DID EVE LOVE ADAM LAST CHAPTER

   DID EVE LOVE ADAM

   LAST CHAPTER:

School season started, on that period I had a lot of problems the biggest one was changing my university in the last minute due a lot of causes, don’t judge me , she was an indirect cause, an invisible power pushing me to stay close to her but I’m not regretting anything, I’m so happy in my new university my gpa is good everything is alright.

In that period everything was good our schedules were a little bit busy, we were meeting twice a week, our spot was almost the time in KARAKOY it’s a historical region in Istanbul and my favorite, I don’t have to say again (which I’m sitting right now) I think you got the concept guys, by the way it’s the first time I came here since we broke up it was so fucking hard for me to come …

Exam days yeah yeah probleeeems, our relation wasn’t stable during this period we couldn’t see each other’s at all, some time we couldn’t even text or call each other’s actually I was texting but she wasn’t, during the exams period she was disappearing for two three days with no communication and that what was confusing me. yeah she’s so perfectionist , the most smartest and hard worker girl I ever met her future is number one priority in her life , I respect her so much for that and really believe in her , I’m sure one day I will be crossing the street passing next to a big building designed by her , but two three days with not a single hello wasn’t logical for me I was kind of overthinking about everything passing those days in anxiety , if you love someone you will set time for them, five minutes will be more than enough. We were always disputing about this issue and whenever we meet after a bad and tiring conversation, we acted like nothing happened and we pass a good day going to our spots, we prefer those calm areas where you can feel such an artistic and inspirational vibe.

Taking her hands to reconcile after a dispute was stopping the world for me, my brain and body disconnect to the glob, something over nature start happening, sorry Elon Musk to ruin up your goal but I’m the first human sent to Mars, overdose of oxytocin, endorphins and all the feel-good hormones.

She was painting a ray of sunshine all over her face with her smile it was so contagious, she was lighting up my world and making everything seems alive, her eyes where a full blood moon, she was Betty Ross of my inner Hulk .

I was telling a joke whenever she disappears and text me after two or three days “who are you” or “sorry do I know you” you know a kind of sarcasm but this time was totally different, she took it so personally, I was kind of shocked because the conversation that came after it was so hurting for both of us conducting us to break up …. Breaking up in a WhatsApp conversation, that was the most childish and immature thing I ever did … hold on I will not let my love story end up this stupid way, I texted her (could we meet and talk face to face please) her answer was more surprising (even if we talk face to face nothing will change) to be honest I didn’t take it seriously I was saying that we’re in an angry moment so that’s why.

She came to my place , no one spoke ..only music I was putting music so my housemate could not hear us arguing , an awkward silent moment was dominating the atmosphere , I started the conversation with (what happening to us)  I will not get into the details because whenever I remember it I start hating myself , after a long talk we were like pouring water in sand , I was breathing heavily knowing that I lost her , lost her forever , her head was down my hands were shaking , man what’s happening to you asking myself even the masculine part with the deep male voice couldn’t help me in that moment .

I looked at her saying (so there’s no hope) she looked straight to my eyes moving her head saying NO, I will never and never forget this look, her eyes were full of anger and hate, I was so scared asking myself, was I toxic to her? Was I pushing her or distracting her from her goals? I was blaming myself even if I didn’t know what I did to her.

Whenever I start missing her, I remember that look and all my love transform to hate because deep down myself I know that I don’t deserve that, I don’t know I think I deserved it.

There was a lot of red flags but don’t blame me guys I was infatuated with her , I felt disappointed and betrayed more than sad because during our conversation she didn’t say any good things we had , I’m not an ungrateful person yes she changed me to the good , she kept me away from alcohol, from a lot of bad habits , she motivated me to work hard to be a better person and from my part I did my effort to change many things … imagine her answer , yes yes you beautiful lady in the back you always get the correct answers …. Hahaha yes that’s true, she said I didn’t tell you to change for me and people don’t change for others J ok thank you so much, lesson learned (the hard way as usual) but babe you should know that is hard for people to change but when a man changes for a woman or the opposite it means that you’re the one for him or her.

With no precautions felt my tears stepping out, holly shit man it was a long time since you felt this way, but I’m not ashamed at all, real men cry. Just kidding I wasn’t crying it was just some dust in the air, it was so rainy outside so I decided to have a walk so I can calm down, such an unusual feeling, the fire inside me and the water from the sky producing a walking ash which was me, the morning was night and night was night for me, no going out no food only oxygen and pain , guys am feeling like a depressed philosopher from the18th century writing this.

Some friends tried to take me out and clear my mind doing some Turkish jokes playing Sertab Erener’s song (iyileşiyorum) its a brake up music but it only made things worse.

Anyway all that approved and old personal theory that says there’s two types of relationships, a GET USED TO relationship that people call it love story and INTEREST relationship, no don’t get me wrong yes love exists but for me love is only for the persons that come to your life only one time , father mother brothers and sisters . 

Will I GET USED TO a person again: YES

Same energy and passion: NO maybe YES

I have hundreds of questions in my mind that deserves to be answered but I it’s better for me to use the gift of forgetting and move on.

So please guys give feel free to comment what you think your opinion matters to me, I won’t get offended?

If you’re wondering, yes, I’m ok, well almost 90% is healed… sorry what heeee by parties so you’re following me in Instagram, ok I will explain this, people are going to parties so they can have fun, get drunk hook up, it’s different for me, parties are my escape not the typical parties, follow my Instagram “the_hustler01” and you will understand LOL free advertisement.

For me the moment when you close your eyes feeling the strong light break your eye lid while your ears shutting the crowd voice receiving only that melodic techno music that control your heart beats making your body moves without any realization or consciousness that feeling is better than drugs, that’s why I’ partying all the time. So, Rum do you got it now.

By writing this I relieved myself from a heavy load, painting it using the feelings of colors to express myself, I wish I can be a musician too composing a symphony about it but I think I found the good song that can tell this story (TJM by Anil Salliel).

Canan, thank you for this educational journey, I learned a lot of things  thank you for everything …

 

 

They say that every story has two sides, this was mine.